wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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