Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
