pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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