If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
