i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
