is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Quick, to the slutcave!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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