Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
