we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
