Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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