Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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