My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
