i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
