I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
