They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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