just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
