And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
