Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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