I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
