I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
