I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
