took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
