FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
