U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
