Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
