If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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