my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
