you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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