i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
