I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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