I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
