3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
