It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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