he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
