just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
