so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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