you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
