i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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