Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
