I accidentally burped into my bong.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
