If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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