What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
