we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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