direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
