My liver just broke up with me...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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