apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
