twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
