the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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