Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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