OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
