Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
