Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
