just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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