I want to have your abortion
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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