why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
