Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
